Well, can’t say this editor has been in either situation, at least not publicly manifested, anyhooo. What about you? Gives me shivers as I consider accepting a blind date on a Saturday night!
Q: I was set up on a blind date that could not have been worse for me. Unfortunately, my date thinks she has found Mr. Perfect … me. I tried to tell her politely that this relationship had zero chance and she thought I was joking. She asked why and I told her that I just didn’t feel the connection. She is now determined to make that connection. She calls me constantly…and I just turned my phone off, but then she called my work. She shows up at my barrack room (I live in single Soldier housing with a roommate that thinks this whole thing is hilarious.) She actually waited across the field from our physical training one morning and brought me coffee. The guys (and gals) in my unit tell me she’s a “keeper,” but I think she’s more of a creeper. Short of screaming “go away” how do I make this person realize that I am just not for her.
A: HE SAID: This appears to be another opportunity to engage in courageous communication.
Very few people actually like to hurt people’s feelings, so we try to provide hints and hope the other person gets the point. I would call her and ask if you can go to lunch (someplace like a fast food restaurant that is public and has quick service), then just sit down and tell her how you truly feel.
You don’t have to be mean, but you can certainly tell her that it is apparent that she is more attracted to you than you are to her and it would not be fair to lead her on as it will only hurt her worse the longer this is allowed to go on.
Tell her she seems very nice and someone will be very lucky to have such a clearly loving person, but that person is not going to be you. Ask her to delete your number from her phone and not to continue contacting you or showing up places she expects to find you as that (very reasonably) make you uncomfortable.
Good luck — she will probably cry or otherwise get somewhat emotional as she is clearly more invested than you are, but prolonging this will only increase the emotional damage she will no doubt feel. Don’t let her tears guilt you into “caving” just because you feel sorry for her, as you will only have to do it again later.
SHE SAID: I can’t believe your friends did not say she’s a stalker. Scary.
First, if the roles were reversed, and you were a woman being “followed’ by a man, it’s not likely your friends would be so flippant about it.
What I’m saying is, don’t take her behavior lightly as there is something seriously questionable about it.
Secondly, you wouldn’t be human if this did not stroke your ego a bit. Remember this — how people are in a relationship rarely has to do with us, and is basically how they are.
I remember reading something once that if your new beau’s former girlfriend told you their relationship ended when she tried to run him over with her car, chances are there will come a day where you want to run him over with your car.
Think of your past relationships. Did the person’s personality or behavior change you much? We are who we are. This woman — she is who she is. You aren’t anything special (sorry), just her newest obsession. She has done this before, and she will do it again.
You said this was a blind date. Were you set up by a friend? You may need to go back to whomever set you up and get some intelligence on her past. She will not likely stop until she finds someone else to obsess about. Until then, continue to be watchful, continue to tell her you are not interested, and eventually she will move on.
If her behavior starts to get dangerous or destructive, you will really have no choice but to report her to the military police or local police depending on where this is taking place at the time. Remember, just because she is a woman doesn’t mean she can’t be dangerous.
Majikat… Another Saturday Night?…… and you ain’t got nobody?
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P.S. look for more posts on Gina and the other lovely women of the Pin Ups for Vets Calendar and events in future editions. Thank you Gina Elise for lending us one of the calendar photos, today.