July 31st is like our overachieving intern of the calendar. It is lined up last behind the pipeline of all the other days, yet somehow doing the most.
Let’s look at 1498, when Christopher Columbus spotted Trinidad on his third voyage. Third! By this point, Columbus was basically that friend who keeps “discovering” a restaurant that locals have been eating at for centuries. Then, he names it after himself.
Fast forward to 1790. The United States issued its very first patent to Samuel Hopkins for an improved method of making potash. Yes, America’s inaugural stroke of protected genius was… fertilizer ingredients. Dream big, founders. Somewhere, an eagle wept with pride into a barrel of ash.
In 1703, writer Daniel Defoe was placed in the pillory for publishing a satirical pamphlet. Legend says the crowd threw flowers at him instead of rotten vegetables — proving that even in 1703, people loved a good roast more than the government did. Defoe later wrote Robinson Crusoe, presumably because after that experience, a deserted island sounded appealing.
Then came 1964. Ranger 7 transmitted the first close-up photographs of the Moon. More than 4,000 never before images came through, which is likely still fewer than those taken at a family reunion. And in 1971, Apollo 15 astronauts took the first lunar rover for a spin. After their extreme mission challenges they managed to enjoy humanity’s most expensive joyride at roughly the speed of a golf cart with anxiety.
July 31st is also, famously, Harry Potter’s birthday, which he shares with his creator. This makes it the only date celebrated annually by millions of people waiting on a letter that statistically is not coming.
So let’s raise a glass to July 31st: a day of potash, pillories, moon buggies, and wizards. History, like the rest of us, apparently procrastinates until the end of the month.
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